My friend Annette Matrisciano is finishing up a wildly suspenseful crime novel called Dead Rite -- not much like this one (no coffins to speak of, though plenty of dead bodies!). But what can I say? I love John Dickson Carr's work, and was happy to stumble across this funky old cover art. Annette's book could almost be called neo-noir, for the atmosphere, but fails to be noir in one essential way: we like her two heroines. They might each of them do a few less-than-admirable things, but they are not amoral.Anyway, Annette took some time off from stressful revisions to pen this little gem of author's irony. Here, for your pleasure, is:
Dissecting The Mystery Novel – Chalk Outline and
Bullet Points.
By Annette Matrisciano
* Expect scenes to be liberally salted and
peppered with inner dialogues exposing soul searching and freight dumping. We all know it's gotta go somewhere. Like landfills.
Chapter 1 - Big, fat unhappy
open!!
The other 60 chapters:
● Meet our protagonist. Oh my, she's feisty! Cute dog, too.
● Meet our other protagonist - Noble princess – high
ideals with silver-spoon syndrome.
● Villain number one.
Nut job.
Follow all the above for a few
more chapters. Unless your cell phone
rings. Do you resume?
● Scrappy handmaiden – and sex – because someone's
gotta do it.
● WTF is she thinking?
Protagonists and reader know the answer, but both continue, nonetheless.
● True love.
Maybe. Yes. No. Uh... still
maybe.
Don't go in the attic! Reader now sits on the edge of his or her
recliner.
● Fuck-ups, wrong turns & hubris galore balanced
with, I'd pick her first for my dodge-ball team!
● Concealed weapons and lace panties. Always a crowd pleaser.
● Oh, God! The
'why me' pity-party.
The ringers – meet villains two
and three.
● Hellloooo!
You didn't see that coming?!
Reader gets to make judgements about protagonist.
● You shoulda listened to me vs. I shoulda
listened to you.
● Confirm and deny – AKA Doubt Samplings.
Dead bodies. A sprinkling of at least three is usually
advised.
● Occult tastings served here.
● Career boosting bit-parts for character actors.
● Proof he's a douche.
Lots of proof.
Requisite weeping. Repeat.
Requisite weeping.
●
The “Luke, I am your father” showdown, with serial possibilities
● Villain's long overdue kick to the groin dished out
by heroine. I have two of these final
blow scenes – One for each of my complex and well drawn protagonists.
TA DA!
● The BFF closer.
And
when the last page is turned:
All
my friends tell me how great it was. My
mother is dead, or she might have liked it, too.
